The Art of Awkward Flirting
by Chuck Norris Worshipper
Summary: Sirius clamped his hands on her small shoulders, forcing her back at arm's length while she snapped her teeth at him. He had the oddest look on his face. "Do you seriously want to bite me?" ...Huh. That was right. She did want to bite him, now that he called attention to it. "Let me bite you, and I'll leave you alone," Tawnie quickly bargained. He was horrified. "No!"
1. Chapter 1

_DISCLAIMER: JK Rowling owns everything you recognize.  
_

_...Tawnie is ASBURD._

* * *

She was a terrifyingly aggressive dueler.

Once she got going, she was firing spell after spell, faster than she could even think as she shot out every spell she could think of. Once she found one to stagger an opponent effectively, she fired the same spell over and over. It was a ruthless attack, leaving no room for cowardice. Unconsciously, she'd creep closer to get a tighter aim on her victim until she was right in front of them, physically slapping away their meager shields with her bare hands. It stung, forcing her back, but after a few swipes, the shield would fade. If she got _really_ pissed and crazed, on top of the close distance, she would yank the wand right out of her opponent's grip; on a few rare occasions, this would result in a sissy-fight in the middle of the heated duel, and they would slap each other and pinch until one ended up empty handed.

It was all fine and dandy... until someone shot a spell _back_. She was cautious at the beginning, but once she got going, she was too busy attacking to put up a proper shield.

She stared up at the ceiling dizzily through dimming eyes, blinking quickly to help keep her consciousness as pain shot through her back like knives. _Ugh_. She'd been stunned, dang it! She succeeded in staying awake, but she couldn't tell if that was a good thing as the dull roar in her ears faded out and she could hear the commotion around her, and she saw Sirius Black walk into her line of vision... and smirked at her.

_Prat!_ She wanted to scream. _Prat, prat, prat, prat, PRAT!_

Her classmates were still dueling steadily, but Professor Perdue _of course_ could not let her humiliating defeat slide. Honestly, defeated by a stunning spell that a first year could do! "Ms. Hall, for the thousandth time, _honestly_!" Professor Perdue stalked over, her features pinched into her usual disappointed frown. "All you needed was a protego! You cannot afford to let your guard slip! _Rennervate_!" She distractedly waved her wand at her, and she immediately scrambled to her feet, "accidentally" crushing Sirius's ribcage with her elbow as she did so. She leered at him, and he glared back, his smirk falling.

"Oi, watch it!" He growled.

"It's not my fault!" She defended herself petulantly, ignoring Sirius and speaking to her disappointed professor. "And did you _see_ how close I was to getting past his guard?" Literally close. She'd just been about to punch his wimpy shields when he'd landed the stunner on her. "You should revere me as a champion!" Tawnie waved her hands dramatically. "No one ever gets that close to disarming Sirius." Except for _me_, she noted with satisfaction. The few times Sirius had been disarmed in class, it had been by brute force and aggression on Tawnie's part.

She frowned at her. "Ms. Hall, this is not a Quidditch match. Getting physically close to your opponent wins you no award, and _tackling_ them certainly wins you no points. Had you been farther back, you would have had time to dodge, or, _heaven forbid_, _think_!"

Tawnie bristled. Quidditch match? Honestly? What did this have to do with _Quidditch_? "I think!" Tawnie argued.

"Ms. Hall, it's actually quite dangerous the way that in the middle of a duel, you start seeing red and you go all out on the offensive. It leaves you terribly open to counterattacks. What if someone where to come up behind you? And just look at what Mr. Black demonstrated! A skilled wizard is not always going to panic under a shower of spells!"

Professor Perdue practically ignored Tawnie's weak defense. Instead, she approached the real issue: that Tawnie's obvious magical skill was utterly useless if she kept losing her head during duels. It was no secret, after all, that Tawnie wanted to be an Auror upon graduating so she could make a profession of her fierce anger towards anyone who had the audacity to stand on the other end of her wand. All of the teachers, _especially_ the Defense teachers, felt it their duty to prepare her well, or else have her death hanging on their consciences.

Sirius smirked at the compliment, and Tawnie turned to stick her tongue out at him. When it occurred to her that this action wasn't quite as as angry or disturbing as she wanted it to be, she wagged her tongue out at him, and he stuck his tongue right back out. Tawnie recoiled in disgust, and he grinned at her vulgarly.

"Let me do it again, I _swear_ I can knock him down this time," Tawnie spoke, shooting Sirius a significantly dark look.

Professor Perdue gave her a hard look. "There are no second chances on the battlefield, Ms. Hall."

Tawnie gaped. "But—"

"5 points to Gryffindor for Mr. Black's composure and his ability to best one of the best duelers in the school," Professor Perdue turned around and walked back to her desk, presumably to watch the rest of the classroom's duels.

Tawnie's eyes bugged out of her skull. "Prat!" She shrieked, whirling around to scowl at her arch nemesis. House mate as he was, she still hated every point he earned and generally considered them nonexistant. In her mind, they lost the House Cup last year to Hufflepuff by 40 points.

But then again, perhaps she could accept those five points as he had cost Gryffindor a great deal more than that this morning with his stupid friends for the prank they pulled on Slughorn. The idiots _actually got caught_.

"Did you even hear that?" Sirius rolled his eyes. "She called you one of the best duelers in the school."

"I don't need _flattery_," Tawnie spat, disgusted. "I need to _conquer_ you, you scrawny, pale piece of crap."

Sirius looked at her like she was truly insane. "Since when is crap pale?"

"You tell me, you freak of nature!" Tawnie snarled. "What the heck is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with _you_? Why do you always try to tackle me in the middle of a duel?" Sirius demanded.

Because it's intimidating, and Tawnie loved intimidation. Instead of saying this, she was overcome with a burst of animalistic rage—she wanted to _pummel_ him. Once she was in the zone, it was oh-so cruel to taste defeat because she was drowned in the bloodlust without being allowed to gorge on the defeat of her opponent.

But there was still a chance, wasn't there?

Tawnie made for a lunge, but Sirius sidestepped. "Jeez, Hall, you look like a friggin animal," He spat. "Don't make us lose the House Points I fought so hard to win."

"Those House Points should have been _mine_," She hissed. She didn't know how, but she had the general understanding with herself that Sirius Black wasn't meant to exist, and all things that belonged to him should somehow belong to her.

Sirius clamped his hands on her small shoulders, forcing her back at arm's length while she snapped her teeth at him. He had the oddest look on his face. "Do you _seriously_ want to bite me?"

That was right. She _did_ want to bite him, now that he called attention to it. "Let me bite you, and I'll leave you alone," Tawnie quickly bargained.

He was horrified. "No!"

"If you don't, I will harass sit in back of you in History of Magic and kick the back of your seat until you _cry_."

"Oh, please. I don't cry," He rolled his eyes. "I'm a _man_."

"Oh, you'll be crying after _weeks_ of kicking the back of your seat—I promise you," Her eyes glinted. She'd meant what she'd said earlier; she _needed to conquer him_. Subduing him into allowing her to bite him would be the ultimate win on her part, and then, maybe she'd be satisfied until her next duel.

Sirius looked down at her, repulsed. She was repulsed as well; why the heck was he so tall, and her so small? He was bigger than her in ever respect, and it was bloody annoying because she couldn't use brute force as intimidation. Instead, she often had to rely on her quick, darting speed to cause panic, but that wasn't nearly as fun as tackling a human being.

"Fine, bite me." His arms went limp, and no sooner had they relaxed that Tawnie lurched forward and sank her white, sharp teeth into his neck.

Sirius cried out in pain, his arms immediately snapping down around her and caging her there where she immediately struggled, the taste of him in her mouth striking her as strangely familiar. It bothered her.

"Bloody Merlin, I'm going to—_AUGH_!" He yelled in pain as she kneed him in the groin unexpectedly.

However, instead of releasing her and stumbling back harmlessly, he ruthlessly tightened his arms around her and fell back onto the matted ground, groaning loudly.

"I _hate you_, Hall. Bloody _hate you_." He hissed.

"Lemme go!" Tawnie struggled in his steely grip, but instead of releasing her, he wrapped his legs around her waist. She screamed, repulsed by the contact, and he chuckled, low.

"You said you wanted to conquer me, didn't you?" He whispered in a harsh, mocking imitation of seduction, and she cried out in disgust, elbowing him ferally, but he didn't even seem to feel her blows anymore.

She struggled for another good minute before she gave up, panting, leering down into his gorgeous grey eyes while she hissed through her teeth. Why was he so freaking pretty? Abruptly inspired, she spit into his eyes, and he jerked his head back, recoiling.

"You're horrible!" He growled.

"And you're going to pay for this, Black! Mark my words," Tawnie promised. "And I _will_ conquer you. One day, I will leave you literally bawling like a baby, feeling like the piece of crap I know you are."

"_Pale _piece of crap, right?" He snorted. "Do yourself a favor and _shut up_, Hall."

"Why are you so freaking pale anyway?" Tawnie demanded. "Unnatural vampire!"

"Uh, hate to break it to you, but vampires are quite natural. You're a wizard now, Tawnie." His condescension infuriated her.

"Diseased!" She hissed. "And I'm onto you now, bub! I'm going to stake you in your sleep if you're not careful."

"I'd like to see you try to break into my dormitory," He scoffed. "And we all studied together in the sun yesterday, remember? Sorry, not a _diseased_ vampire." Admittedly, their own friends were each other's friends; Tawnie had passed yesterday afternoon irritatedly holding the edges of the pages down so that they wouldn't turn on their own in the wind and kicking Sirius every time he got too comfortable. He returned the favor by throwing her book in the Black Lake. Lily had dried it off, of course, and rewarded him with a very nasty look, but Sirius was too busy glaring at Tawnie to notice.

"Disgusting pale creature," Tawnie was barely listening. "Vampiric unnatural filth!" She elbowed his chest again.

But something about this elbowing was different. The red tinge seemed to finally fade from her vision, and Tawnie blinked. Why was his body so hard, his torso so taut with muscle? Why was his face so pretty, his hair so soft, his eyes so engimatic—? It was simply humiliating. Sirius was an exquisite creature, but Tawnie was too annoyed by his existence to appreciate his finer qualities.

Just a shame.

Nonetheless, Sirius seemed to sense the shift in atmosphere, and he looked up at her with those hard, intense eyes that she could never quite read, meeting her gaze with a ruthless honesty that betrayed no fear. He really wasn't intimidated by her.

"Ms. Hall, Mr. Black, that is enough!" Profesor Perdue _finally_ stepped in, probably frightened with the way they'd gone quiet. The two didn't seem to hear her, just looked at each other. "Get up on your feet before I give you both detention!"

Sirius immediately let go of her, and Tawnie slid back till she was on her knees between his legs, and Sirius scooted backwards and got to his feet. He held out a hand to her, his face an unreadable mask, and she took it without really thinking about it. They had sunk into Tawnie-and-Sirius, uneasy allies in that they were in the same House and had the same friends. The alternative, Hall-and-Black, was reserved for times of total bloodshed (or so Tawnie wished).

James Potter immediately made his way over. He was still breathing heavily from an intense match with Lily; Defense Against the Dark Arts duels had become somewhat of a bonding experience for them. Lily could finally unleash the violent emotions she felt towards him, and James got to spend time with the "Real Lily", as he put it.

"Well, that was lovely. You two looked like you were about to kiss."

Both of them recoiled, practically hissing, as if they were vampires staggering back from the light. "_Disgusting_," Tawnie eyed her foe with great disdain.

"Never," Sirius stated solemnly. "Who won on your end?"

"I did," James puffed out his chest. "First time in months. She's bloody amazing, isn't she?" He ran a hand through his hair, grinning exuberantly.

Tawnie looked past the boys to one of her dear friends. Lily was skulking next to Alice and Marlene. Marlene was, of course, joined at the hip with her hunk of a boyfriend, Gideon Prewett. Total hottie, and a real prize for the Quidditch team.

"I smashed Tawnie into the ground with a simple stunning spell," Sirius rolled his eyes, his voice bringing her back to the present, and Tawnie's eyes bugged out of her skull.

"Shut up! That spell could have stunned anyone," She hissed.

"But it didn't," He smirked. "It stunned _you_," He reached forward and lazily poked her nose, grinning at the way she staggered back.

"Don't touch me!" Tawnie gasped, rubbing her nose furiously, and James laughed heartily.

"You guys are adorable," James cooed.

"What?" Tawnie rounded on her friend, wide-eyed and repulsed. "We are _not_ cute!"

"Watch this, James," Sirius said.

"What are you—" Tawnie began, but she froze in place when Sirius brushed her hair behind her ear, his fingertips grazing her cheek and sending flames of heat through her face and a shiver of pleasure down her spine. "PRAT!" She screeched, jumping back and clutching at her face, horrified by her body's traitorous reaction.

"Aw, you made her blush!" James grinned.

"That proves nothing," Tawnie pointed at them accusingly. "I am a teenage girl with hormones. It's only natural for me to—"

"You know, earlier she was talking about conquering me," Sirius said casually. Now that he had succeeded in finally disturbing her, he seemed much more relaxed. James guffawed, and Tawnie blushed furiously.

"I meant _destroy_ you," She explained impatiently.

"But you didn't say destroy, did you?" Sirius smirked wickedly. "You said _conquer_."

"Because I'm a conquering human being—honestly," Tawnie huffed. "You're both disgusting. And I was serious—I'm going to destroy you."

"She also called me a pale piece of crap," Sirius reflected, "so maybe we are jumping the gun."

"Oh, that's just Tawnie's awkward form of flirting," James waved it off.

Tawnie kicked James's shins. "I do _not_ flirt awkwardly."

James arched an eyebrow at her, completely ignoring the splitting, shooting pain that consumed his leg.

"I don't! I'm quite an effective flirter," She said defensively. "See?" She turned around and spotted a handsome Ravenclaw a few feet away—something Clayworth. Or maybe his name was Clay Worthington. You never really knew with Tawnie's memory—it tended to be extremely unreliable, so she was used to acting without relying on it.

"Oi—you with the gorgeous blue eyes," She called as she stalked across the classroom.

"Insane," Sirius shook his head. "But, on the upside, I got five points for Gryffindor for beating her... 'Ey, James, what's the matter?" Sirius looked at his friend in confusion as James gaped. Sirius followed his line of sight and found himself gasping himself.

Tawnie's small, lithe body was nestled inside of Allan Clayworth's arms, her arms stretching and looping around his neck as she kissed him passionately, standing on her tip toes to make up for their height difference.

"That is the most awkward flirting I've ever seen in my life," James gaped. "But I guess flirting isn't necessary for someone like Tawnie, aye, mate?"

Sirius looked immensely uncomfortable. "Sometimes, James, I think she's literally going to eat me alive." Especially since she bit him earlier. ...On the neck, too! What was she doing, calling _him_ the vampire?

"And why not? I think you'd taste delicious," James remarked cheerfully.

Sirius elbowed his friend reflexively, laughing as the tension broke. "Let's go ask Perdue for a pass to go to the Hospital Wing to see Remus," He suggested cheerfully. "He's got to be bored out of his mind."

"Good idea," James said good-naturedly.

As Sirius talked and laughed with his friend, he tried his best to forget the sight of Tawnie, wrapped around that Ravenclaw, and the way that it had made him feel.

* * *

_Yay for absurdity and aggression!  
_


	2. Chapter 2

"Well?" Lily demanded impatiently, and Tawnie glared like a sulky child at the carpet, arms folded tightly across her chest as she avoided eye contact. "Is there a reason why you threw your plate at Sirius?"

Tawnie's jaw dropped, looking up to meet Lily's eyes for the first time. "Excuse me, but that is _not_ how our little engagement started out!"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? Then how _did_ it start?"

"With him, of course," Tawnie said, and Lily scoffed. "What? It's true! If you want the whole story, ask _him_."

"It's not my job to lecture Sirius," Lily rolled her eyes.

"And it's somehow your job to lecture me?" Tawnie's face twisted in disgusted confusion. "Fine, _Mom_, do your worst."

"Fine." Lily rocked onto her hip with a grim look tightening her youthful, 16 year old features. She was a tired girl practically by nature; it wasn't as if any of them _asked_ for the constant mothering and smothering, but it appeared that sticking her nose into other people's business was the most effective way for Lily to avoid the tangled heap inside herself that would probably require years of therapy to unravel... or perhaps all it would take was a kiss from James Potter and a night of finally letting loose.

"How about that you look incredibly insecure when you feel the need to avenge every slight wrong that is done to you?" Lily raised an eyebrow at her.

Tawnie's head jerked back as if she had been hit. Well, whatever the deep psychological mess that lurked behind Lily's bright green eyes, she was dang perceptive. "I am not insecure," Tawnie spat heatedly.

"Insecurity is the act of not being secure. If you weren't insecure of your position in life, you wouldn't feel the need to murder Sirius." Lily smirked, watching the way her words affected Tawnie.

"Got a cute little theory for why I hate Sirius so much?" Tawnie raised her eyebrow.

"Well, he's easily the only one insecure enough to battle you back," Lily shrugged indifferently.

Tawnie shot to her feet, gripping Lily's shoulders and staring the girl straight in her eyes. "Sirius is insecure?" She demanded, and Lily jerked back instinctively at the insane look in her friend's eyes.

"Uhm... Isn't everyone?" Lily said, delicately removing one of Tawnie's hands from her left shoulder.

Tawnie put it right back, fingers digging into her friend's shoulders. "Tell me _everything you know_!"

"Haven't you got eyes of your own?" Lily demanded, offended. "And let go of me—you're scaring me."

"Good heavens, Evans!" Tawnie spat, not even pausing to consider her rhyme. "Do you have anything important to say or not?"

Lily's brow creased. "Not to you, I don't," She huffed. "Besides, this wasn't the point of the conversation in the first place."

Tawnie took a few steps back and sighed. "Quite frankly, I don't care for the point of this so-called conversation," She said, massaging her forehead. Sirius, insecure? It was just too delicious a concept to forget as flippantly as Lily wanted to. What Tawnie would do if she had Lily's people-reading capabilities!

"Tawnie? Are you... alright?" Lily asked, a tad uncertain as to whether she should bulldoze on into full-lecture mode and see if she could knock some sense into her, or if she should back off and offer her an aspirin for the apparent onsetting headache.

"If I let you lecture me, will you tell me what Sirius is so insecure about?" Tawnie looked up quickly, eager for a bargain. "I swear I won't use it against him."

Lily peered at her with great interest, and Tawnie waited with baited bait for the acceptance or refusal. She desperately wished for the former. "How interesting."

"What?" Tawnie asked, desperately impatient. Lily was just too inconsiderate; didn't she realize Tawnie had goals to accomplish? If Lily wasn't going to give Tawnie anything useful, she'd have to track down Marlene and Alice, maybe even James Potter, and see if any of them had any of Lily's brilliance without her morals.

"Without hesitance or a drop of guilt, you say such bald-faced lies," Lily said in mocking amazement.

Stupid morals! "See you around, Lily!" Tawnie brushed past her friend and hurried to exit and escape to the common room where hopefully further information awaited her.

"Hey, wait!" Lily cried after her. "Your lecture is _not_ negotiable!"

Her answer? The door banging closed after her. Lily stood there for a moment, scrunching her nose delicately. She sighed, shaking her head, and walked over to her bed and flopped onto it, picking up from her book where she'd left off. Just this once, maybe she'd leave her homework for later...

* * *

Marlene hadn't stopped laughing.

It was... irritating.

"Marlene, if you don't quit, I will _break_ your _face_," Tawnie spat through clenched teeth. Her shoulders were tense under the weight of the prying eyes of the other fifty or so Gryffindors in the common room.

"S-sorry!" Marlene giggled. "It's just—so—_funny_!"

"It's really not."

"I mean, Sirius—_insecure_?!" She dissolved into another round of laughter.

"If you have nothing useful to tell me, I'll move on," Tawnie made to stand up.

"No, wait," Marlene said, grabbing Tawnie's shoulder with one hand while she wiped at her evident tears with the other. "Look, don't read into anything Lily said. Sirius is anything but insecure, believe me."

"Why should I believe you over Lily?" Tawnie challenged, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, Lily's insecure, so she thinks everyone is insecure like her," Marlene reasoned, shrugging as she tossed her long, silky dark hair over her shoulder.

Tawnie pondered this. She'd asked Lily if Sirius was insecure, and what had been her answer? _Uhm... Isn't everyone?_ But then, Tawnie balked at this revelation as well. "Now you're telling me _Lily_ is insecure?"

Marlene balked right back, jerking head back in confusion. "Tawnie, you _know_ Lily is insecure."

True. She did. "She said I was insecure too," Tawnie frowned.

Marlene barked out another laugh. "As if!" She chortled. "I think you're the most terrifyingly confident teenage girl I've ever met." Suddenly, Marlene frowned, looking at her almost suspiciously. "...The most... aggressive teenage girl."

"What?" Tawnie rolled her eyes impatiently. "What are you getting at? You have this look in your eyes like you're having an epiphany."

"...Maybe Lily is right after all," Marlene's neat eyebrows shifted from scrunched over her eyes to shooting straight up. "Maybe you are insecure."

"I am _not_ insecure!" Tawnie exploded. "What's _wrong_ with you? I'm going to go talk to James."

"What? Why would you talk to _James_?" Marlene demanded. "...This is James Potter we're talking about, right?"

"I really don't know any others," Tawnie rolled her eyes.

"James Brown in Ravenclaw, James Gunn a year younger than us, James Ackley in 2nd year, James Reynold—you know, that cute chap from Hogsmeade who—" Marlene cut off abruptly at the dazed look in her friend's eyes.

"...You really have no idea who I'm talking about," Marlene whispered, half-awed and half-horrified by her friend's lack of awareness. "About _any_ of them. I swear, you have full conversations with James Brown. You talked to him yesterday."

"Do I have to know someone's name to talk to them?" Tawnie's nose wrinkled—a habit she'd picked up from Lily. She had a very expressive nose.

"You don't even remember talking to him!" Marlene accused.

"Is that suddenly a crime?" Tawnie put up her hands defensively. "Do I have to remember absolutely everything I do in a day?" She rolled her eyes.

Marlene gaped at her. "Uh, _yeah_! Tawnie, where are you half the time? What's going on up there?" Marlene knocked on Tawnie's forehead.

It struck Tawnie as condescending, and thus annoying. "Uh, plotting," Tawnie rolled her eyes, but abruptly looked thoughtful as she contemplated. "Or stewing. You know, it really depends on my mood."

"How many people do you even know?" Marlene's brow creased.

Tawnie shrugged, standing up. "I dunno—as many as you, I suppose."

"Now that is a _lie_," Marlene rolled her eyes. "We already know about three people I know that you don't."

"Apparently, I _do_ know them," Tawnie smirked down at her friend. "I just don't remember them," She said triumphantly, tapping her forehead.

"Which doesn't count!" Marlene insisted. "And you only know James Brown."

"Have you considered that maybe it's unhealthy for you to hang onto things so long?" Tawnie raised her eyebrows. "Maybe I'm the normal one, and you're just weird."

"I bet you only know 7 people outside of your family!" Marlene accused. "Me, Lily, Alice, Remus, Peter, James, and Sirius."

Tawnie's expression clouded for a second in obvious confusion before she cleared it and looked down arrogantly on her friend. "Wrong. I know the teachers too!"

Marlene gaped. "Oh my gosh," She breathed, ignoring what Tawnie had said. "Who out of that list did you not recognize!"

"I know them!" Tawnie insisted. "They're my _friends_—jeez, just what kind of person do you think I am? And I know Regulus Black and Snivi—Severus Snape too, so _ha_! More than 7!"

"You don't know one of them," Marlene stood as well, challenging and insistent. "Well? Who is so unimportant that you've ignored them for six years?" Marlene cocked her head with her hands on her hips.

Tawnie looked unexpectedly guilty. "Six years?" She asked, pained. "I know I tune you lot out for a lot of time, but how do I lose six years?" She rubbed her head.

"So you admit it! Who is it?" Marlene asked with a triumphant grin, folding her arms.

"Who is... Peter?" Tawnie winced.

"...Oh," Marlene said thoughtfully. "...Well, actually, that's not too bad." Marlene shrugged. "Believe me, you haven't missed much," She patted her shoulder.

"Don't tell Lily," Tawnie stared intently, her golden brown eyes boring into Marlene's cat-yellow ones sternly. "I'm having a hard enough time convincing her I'm sane and _very secure_ without her knowing I'm a nut-case."

"You going somewhere?" Marlene asked, raising an eyebrow at her friend.

"Nowhere you can follow," Tawnie scoffed. "I'm going to interrogate James alone."

"Have fun with that," Marlene called fondly after her, smiling. Ah, now that that was over... Marlene sat back down and returned to scratching away at her parchment, a letter to her beloved boyfriend, Gideon Prewett.

* * *

"You're stewing," Marlene laughed when she sat down at breakfast beside Tawnie in the Great Hall the next morning. "What's up?"

"Lily's mad at me," Tawnie pouted.

Lily's eyes flashed from her parchment with murderous green eyes. "_For the HUNDREDTH time, I am NOT. MAD. AT. YOU._" Several conversations around the Great Hall were struck dead as they stared at the usually well-liked and pretty girl scratch away desperately at her parchment after her fifth breakdown since sitting down.

"Lily forgot to do her homework," Alice said through a mouthful of toast as she leaned across the table. Unintentionally, she bumped a bowl of pears that sent a domino effect of knocking over a pitcher which spilled water onto Lily's parchment which sent Lily screaming.

"_Are you KIDDING me_?!" Lily shook her fist, screaming at the top of her lungs.

Marlene forgot to breathe as she jerked backwards in her shock.

"...Is she talking to the ceiling?" Tawnie muttered with skeptically raised eyebrows as Lily glared upwards as if blaming a higher being.

"Lily, really, you're so dramatic," Alice rolled her eyes, waving a wand on the piece of paper that dried it immediately and left the parchment dry and fresh, her essay undamaged.

"I've got so much to do!" Lily moaned, digging her fingers into her thick red hair. "This is just Potions, but I've still got Charms and Care of Magical Creatures—and, _flipping hippogriffs_, I forgot to practice that Transfiguration charm!"

"At least you're speaking at a normal volume," Tawnie comforted.

Marlene twitched as if her friend's crappy comforting physically offended her. Sniffing and shaking her head, Marlene told herself to drop it and focus on the matter at hand—Lily. "Lily, have you ever considered just not doing your homework?"

Lily's head snapped up and stared at Marlene in shock.

"Seriously. It's just this once in... six years?" Marlene raised her eyebrows and cocked her head at Lily.

Lily was already shaking her head, expression agonized. "No, no, you don't understand... If I don't do it now, then I'll never do it. And I won't do tomorrow's homework, or the homework for the day after..."

"Wow, you're so tightly bound that when you snap, you really snap," Marlene's eyebrows hadn't relaxed. "Seriously, Lily, have you ever thought that maybe you should just chill and not be so doomsday? You'll do your homework for tomorrow. You just won't do today's."

"It doesn't _work like that_!" Lily's voice was raising dangerously in volumes as her fingers went back to clawing at her scalp.

"If you don't do your homework for tomorrow, how about I tell James that you're insecure and that you don't think you're beautiful?" Tawnie bargained persuasively.

"_Lily doesn't know she's beautiful?!_"

Alice, Marlene, Tawnie, and Lily flinched at the same time as James Potter jumped to his feet and stared at them in horror... despite the fact that he was _on the other end of the table_.

"How can this be when I tell her that she's beautiful all of the time?" James pondered loudly as he ran over to them.

Lily screamed into her hands; no one could really blame her. Luckily, the room hadn't quieted down and the school was not their audience. How...uncharacteristically kind of them. However, they'd certainly grabbed the Gryffindors' attention.

"Lily? You look upset!" James said, dismayed.

Lily screamed again.

"Are you... crying?" James asked, hesitantly.

"Idiot!" Tawnie smacked him upside the head as he leaned between her and Marlene across the table to look at Lily. "If she actually was, you shouldn't _ask_ her."

"...But she's not, right?" James tried.

Tawnie rolled her eyes. "No, she's not crying." She cast her distraught friend a quick glance and then wasn't so sure. "...Well, I don't _think_ she's crying... Lily?" Tawnie asked softly. "Are you... crying?"

James leaned back abruptly to gape at Tawnie. "Isn't that what _I_ said?"

"Look, when my friends get upset, I get _stressed_, okay?" Tawnie glared at him. "I like to hit people. You just happened to be there and being really awkward and useless."

"Well, look who's awkward and useless now?" James scoffed. "Maybe, instead of hitting people, you could do something productive and comfort Lily."

"If it's so easy, then why don't _you_ do it?" Tawnie scoffed back. "In fact, why are you lecturing me? Sounds like you get just as stressed as I do and need to take it on your friends!" She accused.

She admittedly wasn't feeling all that kindly towards James since she spent two hours the night before trying to track him down and had ultimately failed—two hours of sleep she lost when she came back and realized she forgot about the mound of homework she had to do.

The mound of homework Lily was trying to complete now.

At the same time, Tawnie and James seemed to remember Lily, and they saw Alice whispering to her quietly as Lily scribbled away, both of their eyes on her essay in the making.

"What... are they doing?" Tawnie frowned, perplexed.

"Well, see, it's funny, actually—they're doing this thing called _moving on_ in order to endure," Marlene mocked.

Tawnie glared at her. "I'm moving on!" She said defensively.

"Why does Lily not think she's beautiful?" James crouched down beside the two girls, head at their shoulders in his squatted position. "I'd ask Lily, but she's busy."

"Uh, because she's a teenage girl?" Tawnie rolled her eyes.

"And all teenage girls are insecure," Marlene concluded.

James pondered this. "You're a teenage girl, Tawnie," He stated carefully.

"I am. Good job, James!" Tawnie patted his head condescendingly. "Do you want a cookie?"

"Does that mean _you're_ insecure?" James questioned with a quirked brow.

Tawnie's jaw dropped. "You are the _third_ person to say that!"

"Maybe it's a sign," James suggested. "A sign of truth."

Tawnie narrowed her eyes, and then quickly did an assessment of her priorities. Plotting won over pride. "Well, what about teenage boys? Are _they_ insecure?"

"I suppose, yeah," James shrugged.

"Are _you_?"

James snorted.

"But you're a teenage boy," Tawnie pointed out stubbornly. "By teenage law, that makes you insecure."

"Uh, I'm not a _boy_," James rolled his eyes. "I am a _man_. Men are not insecure."

Tawnie snorted at the flawed logic but chose to carry on. "Oh, yeah? Fine, you're a teenaged _man_. What about Sirius? Is he insecure?"

James twitched, looking at her strangely.

Tawnie noticed the hesitation. "He is, isn't he!" She grinned.

"What?" Marlene gasped, jumping into the conversation for the first time. "You're crazy. There's no way Sirius could possibly be insecure. I mean, he's totally gorgeous and talented."

"Yeah, well, if you think about it..." James lowered his voice conspiratorially, getting all shifty-eyed. Tawnie thanked the fates that when they divided Lily and James into perfect halves, Lily got all the goody-goody, rule-loving-stuff, leaving James without that little voice that says, _Maybe I shouldn't do this_. "I mean, just like Tawnie's insecure in this really aggressive way, so is he. Can never back down from a challenge from Snape or a Slytherin."

"He's scared he's got Slytherin in him," Tawnie realized with a frown. Well, that wasn't nearly as delicious as she had hoped. For one thing, it was fairly obvious, and for another, what was she supposed to do with that without being exceptionally cruel? Part of her had hoped it would be something funny like sometimes he felt he had to watch his weight because he'd been fat as a kid, or maybe he felt really lonely sometimes in a crowd full of people and felt like absolutely no one in the world understood him—

Tawnie stilled, looking at the floor with a small frown while her heart seemed to tug and ache at the same time. Jeez, what was up with her? Stupid feelings! What was _up_ with her?

Besides, there was no way Sirius understood her—er, understood _loneliness_. No matter his past trials, he and his best friend practically finished each other's sentences. No, Sirius Black's weakness was his fear that he'd one day turn evil. And, dang it, it was too admirable to rub in his face!

I mean, it would probably still come out, but now Tawnie couldn't _plan_ it, and planning was so much more fun than spontaneous verbal sparring.

James leaned back with a frown. "I probably shouldn't have told you that."

Marlene snorted. "Yeah, probably not."

James cast Lily a mournful look. "She seems so upset. Mind giving me some advice and tell me what to do to help her rather than upset her?"

"And ruin the entertainment?" Tawnie scoffed. "Heck no."

"Entertainment?" James's brow creased in confusion.

"Uh, your fights with Lily are usually pretty hard to miss," Marlene said, smiling. "Kind of impossible to ignore, even if we wanted to."

"Aw, come on!" James whined. "But if you tell me how to do something right for once, then I'll make Lily happy and then she'll make _you_ all happy."

That was a tough argument to dismiss easily.

Tawnie was going to dismiss it anyway just for the heck of it when she caught the look on Marlene's look—and groaned. Marlene was chewing her lip thoughtfully, looking between a hopeful James and the distressed Lily. "Oh, come on! No, Marlene." Tawnie said warningly.

"Yes!" James pumped his fist.

Tawnie eyed him with great distaste. "Did you seriously just—? She _hasn't even said yes yet_!"

"I just know you guys," James grinned cheekily.

"Are you really friends with Peter?" Tawnie burst out suddenly, peering at him suspiciously.

James twitched, smile falling right off of his face in his confusion. "Uh... yes? He's the fourth Marauder, you know?"

Tawnie turned and frowned into her plate. Who _was_ this guy?

"Alright, James. This is all I'm going to say: why don't you do something sweet and romantic for her? ...Besides kidnapping her for a Hogsmeade date?"

"Like... what?" James asked, blankly.

"Like, I don't know, write her a poem or something," Marlene shrugged, thinking fondly of her own boyfriend who was quite the poet. "Or a song."

"Do girls go for that?" James asked skeptically.

"Oh, yeah," Marlene nodded vigorously.

"_Do_ they?" James directed at Tawnie.

"Yeah, yeah," Tawnie shrugged, not really paying attention.

James jumped to his feet. "Good enough for me," He smiled broadly. "Quite frankly, I don't think I can make her hate me anymore than she already does!"

That sent Tawnie out of her thoughts, and she shot Marlene a confused and repulsed face. "Is he crazy? He _so_ can!" She hissed.

"Shh, let him live in his deluded fantasies where there is no risk in making a fool of himself," Marlene advised.

"This is going... to be a disaster," Tawnie stared in horror after James as he pranced—yes, _pranced_—back to his friends. Tawnie caught Sirius's eyes, and a shiver went down her spine at the intensity... quickly followed by a shiver of rage. That insecure, sissy prat! Who the heck wastes their time contemplating their very nature over whether it's truly good or truly evil, anyway? Who was he to look at her like that?

"Tawnie, finish your breakfast," Marlene advised, patting her knee very maternally. "You can harass him in potions."

* * *

And harass him she did.

She sat directly behind him, burning holes into his back while he went to get the ingredients for James. Marlene was doing that for Tawnie at the moment. Tawnie couldn't explain it, but for some reason it only took one cold look from him and she wanted to wring his neck.

And dang Lily, she'd never questioned it before today. What _did_ make her want to hit Sirius every time he looked at her even slightly wrong? Any one else would have just waved it off, but she couldn't. She... felt like she had something to prove.

But that was ridiculous. Why would she be insecure, anyways? The whole "because you're a teenage girl" was a load of crap—perhaps Tawnie would ask Lily after class for her smart-person opinion.

If she wasn't too busy still cramming for her Charms essay due next class. She was working on it even now, pausing only to wrack her brains while Alice admirably got all of the ingredients herself. Tawnie's eyes trailed over to the dark haired girl. Her shoulder brushed another fellow's, and they apologized, though they looked at each other's eyes so intently that it was suspicious.

Tawnie frowned, her brow furrowing. Did they fancy each other, and awkwardly intense eye contact was their idea of flirting? Of course, Alice probably didn't have a lot of options; the poor fellow was obviously already socially awkward without being overwhelmed by Alice's beauty. Forceful eye contact was probably all he could handle.

She'd have to ask Marlene when she returned.

Sirius was heading back to the table. He met her eyes with a furrowed, challenging brow as he eyed her distastefully. Tawnie stuck her tongue out at him. "Got a problem, Hall?"

Oh, so it was Hall, now? Well, two could play it at that game. "Yes. You look exceptionally ugly today, Black. It hurts my eyes."

Sirius snorted. "You should probably look away then." Then he sat down, effectively ending the conversation as he put his back to her.

Tawnie opened her mouth, but no brilliant insult came to her lips, so she shut it and sank into her seat, stewing. She turned idly to see Lily turned around her seat, looking at her in awe. "What?" Tawnie snapped.

"Amazing," Lily said. "Without hesitation, you say the most absurd, bald-faced lies. How do you do it?"

Tawnie twitched but didn't answer, saved by the return of Marlene. "One Drought of Living Death, coming right up," Marlene declared happily as she dumped the ingredients. "You know, I really am not feeling good about this one, actually," Marlene said conversationally. "I mean, what the heck is a _small_ piece of valerian root, anyway?"

Tawnie snorted. "So not important, Marlene. Look, does Alice fancy anybody?"

Marlene turned to Tawnie with a look of horror on her face. "Seriously, where _were_ you the last slumber party we had?"

James and Sirius turned around at the same time and looked at the girls with a mixture of awe and horror. "You guys actually have slumber parties?" James gaped. "I—I thought that was just a stereotype!"

"I'll show you a stereotype," Tawnie threatened, pushing up her sleeve as her hand fisted.

"Was that supposed to be clever? Because it made no sense," Sirius taunted. Or spoke honestly—really, it was the same thing.

"Turn around and work on your potions like the good boys you are," Marlene waved them off dismissively, nose already in the book and analyzing the instructions.

"Ha, we are _not_ boys," James puffed out his chest.

"We're men," Sirius smirked. Tawnie hated that he didn't sound nearly as silly as James when he said it.

"Well, _men_ don't eavesdrop," Marlene looked up with a playfully smile teasing her lips.

James's jaw dropped. "We—we weren't _eavesdropping_!" He spluttered. "We—we were just... you know..."

"Well, it would help if you guys weren't so loud," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I was whispering!" Tawnie glared—perhaps at one guy more than the other.

"You call that whispering?" Sirius's eyebrows shut up. "You must be as deaf as my grandma if you call that _whispering_."

Tawnie glared at him. "Inbred filth!" She accused with a glare.

Sirius cocked his head and glared right back. "Noisy hag!"

"Eavesdropping _boy_," Tawnie shot back quickly, her sense of triumph only increasing at James's gasp.

"_Ugly_ loser," Sirius countered, his smirk heightening at Marlene's horrified gasp... and James's. Again.

"Oh, you did not just call me a loser," Tawnie narrowed her eyes to slits.

"You didn't just call her ugly, right?" James asked desperately. "I was dreaming, right?"

Sirius swung his head to look at his best mate in disbelief. "Why would you _ever_ dream about me and Tawnie arguing?"

James shrugged. "Sometimes, I dream about you dying."

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, is there a problem?" Slughorn called from the front of the room.

"No, sir, we were just asking some tips from Marlene," Sirius called, his tone completely switching to ooze charm, and Tawnie gagged.

"Don't listen to him," Marlene whispered to Tawnie. "The only reason he called you ugly was because he thinks you're beautiful."

Tawnie frowned at the table as she struggled with the uncomfortable emotions tightening her gut, but she forced it down with a physical shake of her head in an attempt to banish them. Who carded what Sirius thought, anyway? It...well, who cared if any of it was true or not?

"Well," Marlene smoothed over the awkwardness with ease. "If you must know, yeah, Alice has been making some seriously intense eye contact with Frank Longbottom."

Tawnie was immediately distracted from the weird tightening in her chest that had begun to panic her slightly. She turned to look at Marlene in shock. "Uh... Sorry, did I hear you right? ..._Longbottom_?"

"You know him?" Marlene asked, almost excited for evidence that Tawnie wasn't totally absent.

"Is that even a name?" Tawnie demanded, horrified.

Marlene sighed. This appeared to be the first time she'd even heard of Frank. As usual. "Where have you been? This isn't even remotely new—they've been making eyes at each other for months."

"Well, excuse me, but I was busy," Tawnie rolled her eyes.

"With what?" Marlene asked, miffed.

"It's a secret," Tawnie winked.

James was suddenly scooting his chair out and was sitting in front of them, looking at them with big, doleful eyes. "You have a secret?!"

Tawnie could hear Sirius's groan from two feet away. Not that surprising.

"Maybe... I'm not really sure how it's any of your business," Tawnie shrugged.

"I could _totally_ keep your secret," James nodded vigorously. "Men are really good at that."

"Dang it. I wonder where I'm going to find one in these parts," Tawnie sighed mockingly.

"I'm a man," James pouted.

Tawnie stared at him like he was stupid. "James, you're _16_."

"Almost 17!" He said indignantly.

Tawnie snorted. "I'm not telling you any secrets. Judging by how loose you are with Sirius's, there's no way I'd tell you _mine_. You'd tell everyone if they so much as asked."

James's jaw dropped, but before he protested, Sirius was turned around in his seat and looking between James and Tawnie with a look of horror and betrayal. It was shockingly intense.

"What secrets?" Sirius demanded sharply. "James?"

"Uh—" James's eyes widened.

"James," Sirius growled more forcefully.

"Relax, he just told me that you're scared of your dark side." What a _hero_.

"Yup," James nodded vigorously.

Sirius stared at him with an unreadable look on his face. "Well? Get away from her before you tell her everything when she so much as asks," Sirius rolled his eyes, turning around. "And this is a really tricky potion—I seriously need your help."

James shot Tawnie a murderous look, and she twitched, but not one to be outdone, she shot him a menacing look right back. "Honestly, the audacity," Tawnie muttered to Marlene.

"What?" Marlene muttered, not looking up from the cutting and mincing of something or other.

"James is trying to blame this on me!" Tawnie huffed. "And after I helped him with Lily..." Tawnie's lazily wandering eyes suddenly stopped on Lily, whose back went rigid as she turned around and sent Tawnie a piercing, near-murderous look. Tawnie quickly avoided eye contact.

"Why does _everyone_ listen in on our conversations?" Tawnie demanded.

"Maybe because it's dead silent except for you talking," Marlene offered.

"Huh." Yup, that would do it.

* * *

_I was never going to post another chapter. Ever. I even put this as "complete", but people didn't notice that and treated this as if there would be a second chapter. A month ago, I slapped something down, and here we go. I could have posted this a month ago... But I didn't.  
_

_Awkward._

_There is ONE more... installment of sorts that I've written- just to tell you what James is up to in how to cheer up Lily. He's hopeless3_


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